by: Dr. Kenneth L. Swetland
11/1/2004

A couple of years ago I read Mike Yaconelli’s book Messy Spirituality (Zondervan, 2002). It’s a provocative description of the messy lives of Christians who are trying to live godly and righteous lives but who often fail miserably.

At the time I read Yaconelli’s book, I had just finished interviewing fifteen pastors and church leaders about issues they face in the normal course of being the church in a messy world. The stories I heard would receive sobering nods of recognition from most seasoned pastors. And for new pastors who haven’t lived long enough or had the privilege (yes, privilege) of dealing with life’s messes on behalf of the God of mercy and grace, the messy stuff can seem daunting or even overwhelming. It makes one realize all the more that it is God and God alone who must call and equip men and women to serve Him in a messy world.

I compiled the result of my interviews into a casebook, soon to be published by Kregel and tentatively titled Facing Messy Stuff in the Church: Case Studies for Pastors and Congregations. The messy issues addressed in the casebook are sexual harassment, suicide, AIDS, grief, alcohol abuse, homosexuality, adultery, sexual deviations, miscarriage, mental-health problems, sexual addictions, murder, divorce, pornographic addiction, spouse and child abuse, and abortion. A bibliography and discussion questions accompany the case studies.

Each case study raises an issue the reader must deal with, without the answers or “end of the story” being clear. Often there is no single right answer. Sometimes God leads one person to deal with a messy situation one way, and another person to deal with it in a different way. Remember, it is God who works through His people to extend mercy and grace to people in need. (cf. how Elijah and Obadiah were used by God in very different ways in the same situation in 1 Kings 18.)

One Big Issue: Spouse Abuse

One of the issues discussed in my forthcoming book is domestic abuse. Spouse and child abuse in the United States is a huge problem. The few times I have mentioned this in a sermon, I have been impressed with the responses from people (comments at the door, e-mails, and notes), with many people saying they have never heard a preacher comment on the problem.

Some studies estimate that 25 to 30 percent of women have been abused in some way by the time they reach the age of eighteen; for men the estimate is 12 to 15 percent. If this is true, it means that a fair percentage of people sitting in church on Sunday morning were victims of abuse somewhere in their childhoods—usually perpetrated by a parent, a close relative, or a family friend.

One study suggests that wife abuse is especially severe in the homes of evangelical Christians, although other studies contradict that statistic. Still, abuse in even one Christian home is wrong and results in long-term physical, emotional, and spiritual damage to the victim.

The following, from my book, is an abbreviated version of a true story of what happened to one wife and her children at the hand of an abusive husband. In this situation, the perpetrator was a pastor. The case illustrates in stark terms what can happen in the church when God’s people turn a blind eye to what is going on.

Mini-Case Study on Spouse and Child Abuse

Matt and Kimberly met in college. Both were Christians attending a state university. Kim grew up in a stable and loving Christian family, while Matt’s was overly controlling, a trait he absorbed while growing up, although he was able to hide it for a long time.

During their courtship in college, Matt would occasionally lose his temper and yell at Kim and others, at times even using foul language. And he was intensely jealous of time Kim would spend with her friends, saying that he loved her so much he wanted her to spend all her time with him. When Kim talked to her pastor about the situation, wondering if she was getting