by: David Ragsdale, LPC
5/1/2007

The last few months here in the Front Range of Colorado have brought shock and dismay for two area megachurches whose lead pastors were discovered in a pattern of homosexually immoral behavior. Another growing church here discovered its youth pastor guilty of sexual misconduct. While each situation was unique, the tragedy in these events is that the stories are not at all uncommon. The shock waves that swept through the evangelical community have left us bewildered, asking, “How could these good men, these committed Kingdom servants have silently struggled, concealing their vulnerability, for so long?”

When it comes to sexual vulnerability, the sad reality is our Christian leaders don’t look much different than the rest of men in a sex-saturated culture where the beginnings of a struggle are just a click or phone call away. Quiet Waters Ministries Counseling Intensives provided over the last seven years by our team of therapists have revealed 22 percent of the clients who attended our program were seeking recovery from sexual addiction or affairs. While the trends are disheartening, we are seeing some leaders seek help sooner, and many ministries are stepping up to provide new resources that support the prevention of affairs and misconduct, and provide intervention with sexual addiction. As a counselor who has been treating sexual disorders and addictions for the last 25 years, I am more hopeful than dismayed and I am convinced that any Christian leader who is willing to walk in the light in this area of his life can find freedom and recovery from sexually immoral behavior by using five strategies that foster sexual sobriety. By no means a clinical treatment plan or comprehensive map, my aim here is to lay some foundations that will help you and your ministry relationships in this critical area.

Recognizing your Vulnerabilities

Whether it is sexual indiscretion, Internet pornography, one-nightstand infidelity, or multiple affairs, it is probable that Christian leaders may be more vulnerable than the rest of the population to a continuum of sexual acting-out behaviors. Consider the following ten reasons why the ministry is a sexually high-risk profession:

1. A leader’s position of power and influence, creating possibilities to use people sexually or abuse his position to gratify sinful motivations

2. Exposure to, but lack of training in, sexual traumas, personality disorders, and the emotional vulnerability of others

3. Increasing stressors of ministry and compassion fatigue, combined with the temptation to polish appearances and manage impressions

4. Unmet intimacy needs and inadequate boundaries in the marriage

5. Work addiction, substance abuse, and other patterns of compulsivity that form a multisystem process where sexual addiction is reinforced

6. The power of public shame and fear of exposure that perpetuates secrecy and duplicity in the ministry community

7. A lack of healthy self-care, which leads to sexual acting out to medicate emotional pain

8. Absence of safe people, accountability relationships, or reliable systems of support

9. Increasing isolation and unwillingness to access resources such as support groups, therapists, or denominational caregivers

10. System failures: overreacting or underreacting boards and denominational structures that operate without clear guidelines for prevention/intervention or restoration

Leader beware!—no one is immune. The day you think you are standing firm may be the day you fall. Building a life of sexual sobriety will mean taking decisive steps to see the risk and set the boundaries that guard the heart. As Proverbs 27:12 says, “The prudent man sees evil and hides himself, the naive proceed and pay the penalty” (NLT).

Admitting the Problem

Since shame and secrecy typically fuel sexually addictive behavior, stepping into the light and staying in the light is the next strate